Editor’s note: Technically, I’m supposed to steer clear of first person in these editorials because they are meant to represent the opinion of the Publication. But it’s almost the end of the year, and I’ve already broken that rule a few times, and it’s late, and I’m graduating in a week and a half, and what I’m about to type is coming out the ends of my fingers whether I want it to or not—so really, why bother with third person at this point?
This is it: The end of the year, the end of the line, the end of those ridiculous research papers most of us have been trying to write. If you think endings are hard, try writing a meaningful last editorial. I was reading my predecessors’ final editorials earlier this week for inspiration, and most of them were kind of lugubrious (with the exception of the one written by Adam Voge, my immediate predecessor, who wrote about freedom. But he was kind of a weird dude, and I mean that endearingly). I personally deal with grief by being ridiculous, so lugibrity (new word!) will not be what you get now.
Here are some of the liberal and/or artsy things I learned during my time at Concordia:
- Sometimes Prexy’s Pond produces four-legged ducks. Chemicals in the water, people, chemicals in the water.
- When in doubt, school-owned instruments can usually be fixed with scotch tape.
- The bell tower never actually rings on time (but what is “on time,” really? Ooh! See, my liberal arts critical thinking/penchant for subversion of convention at work!)
- No matter how much time you try to give yourself before class, the Maize printer will never work when you need it to. Editor’s Note: Just give it some love. After all, it might save your life someday during the robot uprising. -Ryan Bloom, Web Editor
- Ending sentences with prepositions is probably ok after all, since somebody just made that rule up arbitrarily to begin with—and coming from an editor-in-chief, that’s advice you can count on. Copy Editor’s Note: Lies. Your academic papers will not be taken seriously. I’ll still love you, but your professors might not. Also, I might cringe. -Carrie Johansen, Copy Editor
- If you can’t think of a way to get people to come to your event, advertise with cats and offer food.
- Sometimes, the best time to leave a place that you love is just when you feel you have come to love it most—it’s bittersweet, or perhaps just straight-up painful, but at least you don’t have time to burn out. And sometimes, no matter how much you may long for another year, you have to recognize that some of the people who made this place what you love are graduating with you (and I don’t just mean students), and it’s time for somebody else to make it their school.
Now, get back to work. It’s finals week, and if you’ve legitimately read this far you’re probably procrastinating on something. Good night, good luck, godspeed.
And thank you.
Peace—and I mean that with all my heart—homes,
Mary Beenken, Editor-in-Chief