So you’re staying in Moorhead this summer? Well never fear, my dear, Katelyn is here, and by that I mean I will be here this summer. Are you concerned about having nothing to do or no one to visit? Well quit whining. I applaud you for not going home, turning down laundry folded by your mom and meals made by your dad. I am proud that you’re able to handle the idea of living up here alone, with or without your friends, and possibly living off of SpaghettiOs for the rest of the summer.
The possibilities of this summer are endless. I am so excited my thoughts are discombobulated. I am excited to see people on lawnmowers and the prospect of sleeping past noon without the fear of homework. I am excited to sit down in front of my TV, watch weird movies and grill things. You are looking at a grill master my friends: beef, chicken, whatever you’ve got, I’ll grill it.
Curfew? You have a curfew when you live at home? Sorry, I don’t. I can do what I want. I can watch infomercials until 5:00am. Everyone knows the best infomercials are at 5:00am.
Also, I don’t know about you guys, but I really don’t enjoy living in the middle of nowhere like I do at home. I enjoy being able to walk to Taco Bell, Erberts and Gerbert’s and various other things. I enjoy being able to walk around the prettiest campus ever and be right where my mail is, and getting snacks at the store down the street. I am also jacked to be able to walk on this campus without giant groups of people in my way, and if that’s not enough, I have a bike and I am not afraid to use it.
If you are staying home, I don’t actually hate you. Seriously, I don’t. I have to affirm my friends who are staying up here and make them feel good about themselves. I am glad you’re going to go home and see your old friends, eat other people’s food and have free laundry.
So Concordia, let us move on past these stupid things called finals, those soul-sucking pieces of paper that are holding us back from our grilling, movie-filled summer.
How to move past them you ask? Let us have a chat. First of all, do not forget sleep. There is no amount of studying that will compensate for a good night’s rest. We all forget that, and then the day after we finish our year, we get around 23 hours of straight sleep and feel 1,000 times smarter. Never underestimate the amount of power studying in groups can have on you; you need to remember that other people exist and that they can help you.
Let us go forth, and defeat the world, for at dawn, we ride. FOR NARNIA.