Cold Cobbers

Cobbers, Cobbers, Cobbers: I have to say that we up in da nort’ here sure know what weather is. We have been voted some of the worst weather in the country and we mean it. Sub-zero temps and snow everywhere. Winter is rough with wind shooting tiny ice particles in our faces, salt ruining our shoes and finally, ice made out of pure packed snow that hits harder than cement when you slip and face-plant in front of the one you love. For you new Cobbers, I would love to shed some light on the weather situation.

Whenever you leave DS, you will be smacked harder  by the wind than Ron Weasley is smacked by the words of his howler message. Plain and simple. You may think “I can adjust my scarf and hat while I walk out the door.” NO. In fact you cannot. You will freeze. The wind will whip your hair back and forth in a manner that makes Willow Smith jealous. So please make sure you have your hat and mittens on. And a scarf.

Make a commitment to your travels. Have everything you need before you leave to eliminate extra trips. Forgot your charger in your dorm room? Your choices are dead computer, mooching a cord from someone or making the trek to your dorm room, leaving Carl B. and walking in the tundra that is our home. These are the life or death decisions you will be forced to make. Remember and make a list!

Watch the floor: the sidewalks around here freeze and freeze fast. The snow will come down feet in a night, they won’t be able to remove all of it, and then it will pack down and become ice. I remember the sidewalk outside of Livedalen being particularly treacherous simply because it melts on sunny days, pools up in the entrance and refreezes to become our own mini ice rink. I recommend you do what I like to call the Concordia Shuffle. You stare at the ground with conviction even if you are talking with someone. Then you shuffle at a medium pace. Feel free to adjust your speed according to how late you are for class and how high of a risk you want to take in falling. While doing the Shuffle it is not recommended to text or call anyone.

Correct footwear is a must, and I have to admit, I rarely wear appropriate shoes. But I also do not get too embarrassed when I fall. The shoes I see take the most spills are those Ugg boots, which are hideous enough already, but they have no traction. If you do decide to make this sartorial decision, my advice is to walk softly and carry a big stick. Seriously, buy a walking stick. And maybe crampons.

To all of my Cobbers walking in this Minnesota Yukon, I say, if you fall, fall hard.