Failed Fads

Yes I know, I’m writing about fads. It happens. Dear Cobber babies that think you are too mainstream for fads, or that you were the first one to ever do whatever it is I’m about to mention—stop that. Stop thinking that. Fads are fads and that is all there is to it. No one is impervious to the laid-out trap of a fad. They envelop everyone including profs (though they hide it behind their PhD and our required respect). Let’s all just bare our souls for one moment and heave a collective sob from laughing so hard at ourselves.

First off is planking. Yeah. Ok. I get it; you can lie there. I am glad you found the Midwestern version of parkour and can barely control yourself from making an album on Facebook of you hanging out, laying on things like toilets and manholes. Stop. I still like you, but the more you do it, the more I’m concerned about your ability to use Germ-X after each time, and when I’m concerned about cleanliness, we have an issue.

Now, I HATE YOU, Words With Friends and Draw Something. I literally hate all of you people who robbed me of my battery life (and real life). Those games are time consuming and obnoxious. Please tell me you aren’t using a cheat when you spell the word “razed” or whatever. It means using fire to level something off? Cool. Tell me more. And using words on Draw Something is bad, but not as bad as some of the atrocious drawings I have received. Inform me how that red blob on a stick was supposed to be Gandalf. Get your act together. If you cannot draw, you have no business owning the app in the first place. Even moreso if you do not have a tablet or iPad, then you still shouldn’t have the silly app. Step off and let me try to draw random words from the dictionary by myself.

Can we talk about YOLO? I mean go drink some bleach because, I mean, YOLO. Of course you only live once, unless you’re James Bond. Everyone is living just one life. It isn’t like people are getting second chances to annoy people like Moaning Myrtle because they didn’t “have enough fun,” which seems to be the cop-out that YOLO provides.

“Oh, I want to go hang out instead of doing homework, YOLO!”

“Oh, I want to play outside. YOLO!” Cool. You’re making a conscious decision to be more fun—that’s either procrastination or freedom depending on how you look at it. I’m glad you have a hashtag for it now though. Really.

Instagram’s not all bad. I’m glad everyone became a professional photographer. I mean, I would hate it if I didn’t look so freaking GOOD in every picture. What is this filter? “Hotness magnified?” “Blue Steel?”  I do not understand. But the upside is my twitter looks so much more retro now.

KONY 2012 was, by my standards, a fad. It came in, went viral, and flew away before anybody could say. “Have you seen this video?” The video also received so much publicity right away that it was reported that over half of all individuals in the age bracket of 18-23 had seen it within three days of the release, and that the creator suffered a “minor mental breakdown” due to the pressure and stress associated with the film’s criticisms. The film and the associations attached are under such scrutiny now that they seemed to have faded away. Because of this, KONY 2012 is now a mystery effort long forgotten.

And last, but not least, let’s talk about pants, baby. Let’s talk about the fact that leggings aren’t pants, jeggings aren’t leggings, and if you are wearing anything that is the same color as your skin you are going to look naked. Take that. If I see one more pair of peach leggings/pants I will ask you if you forgot to dress yourself. If I can see your underwear through what you deem your pants, then they are, in fact, NOT PANTS.

Thanks kiddos, and have an elegant day.