Oh, February

Oh February. The many things you bring to me are unrivaled in their greatness. I mean, the one day a year when being pathologically single is frowned upon, and a day for small rodents and other various small holidays. I think that although February may be the smallest month, it does not bring us the least.

Feb. 1 is National Wear Red Day! I can’t think of anything I like more than a holiday telling me what to wear. Sure I look snappy most days, and I look like I can coordinate, but I hate picking out clothes more than a fat man in Munchkin Land. I love when holidays have a set dress code. For example, Christmas necessitates ugly sweaters, Halloween a costume, and, of course, Valentine’s Day requires a sick amount of pink and red.

And then on the second we have Groundhog Day, the one day a year we let a rodent-muskrat hybrid dictate our weather for the next six weeks. Except, of course, here in Minnesota, where it will be winter until May no matter how hard we wish otherwise. This day is the day, in the future, that rodent-muskrat hybrids will choose to rise up from their sewery existence. Mark my words.

Beyond clothes and animals, we have food! Sweet, sweet food. That which I base most of my existence on! Bring it on Tailgaters! Bring it on Fat Tuesday! I will eat your Lil’ Smokies, pepperoni covered biscuits, nacho cheese dip, beer soup and other various cheese-filled deep-fried goodness. Apparently, Fat Tuesday has something to do with religion, but obviously as a secular society we have moved past that to beads, food and libations.

We also have various bowls. The Super Bowl, The Puppy Bowl, and the bowl of fried chicken next to my bowl of chips. This year I really didn’t care about the Super Bowl (collective gasping goes here) because any time I looked at the screen I saw Gryffindor and Ravenclaw fighting and was upset about a fourth Wizarding World War. But I guess some girl named Bee-yawn-say sang some songs with some lady named Destiny’s Child. Which I also didn’t care about. Instead, I watched “Iron Man” and “Iron Man 2,” “The Proposal” (twice), and wrote a pros and cons list over The Wild’s latest trade (still skeptical of Rupp, but if he moves and scores I guess I’m fine).

Of course how can I go through an article in February not mentioning Valentine’s Day? Like this. Bye! Fine, you want V-day statements, here they are. I am too single for this. I like long conversations, Harry Potter and other various nerdy things. Pop culture is fun, Cards Against Humanity is my new favorite game and I cannot even begin to describe how much I love funny people. Jack Black and Tom Felton are my celeb crushes. And finally, for the love of all that is holy, please, make fun of people with me.