March Madness

The sun is out, the sky is blue, it is beautiful and so are you. To be honest, you probably are beautifully rocking a sweatshirt and shorts. That could be hashtagged as #thingsminnesotansget. When March rolls around, we Midwesterners think it is practically June. Flip-flops are out in full force, mini-skirts are all abound and the capris won’t be shoved into our closets until October of next year. My family can be counted on for mud-football and some really wicked awesome slip’n’slide action. We are done with snow and anything that eradicates it is welcome including torrential rain or a solar flare. I can honestly tell you that I am wearing some flip-flops right now, preemptively, so I am prepared for this heat wave that is upon us.

With all the beautiful things spring can bring us, I must let you know a couple things…

To all you idiots who think you love spring, you’re wrong. You sit around answering the “your fave season” question with “spring,” and you are fooling yourself. No one likes spring. If you say you love spring, you in fact love early summer. Spring is stupid. It is mud, dirt and that gross earthworm smell that never comes out of the bottom of your jeans until after at least three good washes. Spring is bad hair, soggy shoes and sand bags. We in Moorhead go to class walking on boardwalks over sidewalks, and listen to endless droning on by that one girl in our class that is nearly in tears about how weird her hair is looking. Whiny complaints of frizz and lack of volume make me ill.

Our car is finally visible because all of the snow is gone, and the frost has melted away, making us realize how pathetic our ride is. With salt in every crevice, and in need of an oil change, it’s time for a tune-up. The car is only just the beginning! With spring comes all of that freaking cleaning! We are eventually going home for Easter and , oh, awesome, we get to clean. We feel obligated to be cleaning our dorm rooms of the hibernation dens we have been keeping inside them for these past five and a half months. Our little hovels of winter determination and indignation are going to disappear.

Spring is also the season of the Johnny-come-lately of housing. There are kids walking around with looks of desperation seeking off-campus housing due to poor planning or a roommate fall-out. They are hungry for a sublease, which they see as an in. Sorry kids. You are going to be living in a box.

Let’s just be real. Spring sucks. The sun and summer however, can’t get here soon enough. See you outside.

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