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Kelly Clarkson interpreted

Many of us have been walking around lip-syncing or Bernie-ing to the new pop awesomeness that is “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson. We have been applying this piece of audio history to everything in our lives: even that girl across DS we have been speculating about for the entire year. This song just reminds us of the resiliency we have within us, and let’s be real here for a second, we at Concordia tend to be of hearty stock and are already a little tougher than the rest. We have got the biggest… brains of anyone I know. While my pal Kelly is mainly complaining about an ex-significant other and whining that she couldn’t dream in color (which is a weird thing to whine about. I mean, 12% of the population dreams in good old black and white), I would love to tell you things that are relevant that don’t kill you but in fact make you stronger.

Let’s start with Montana. Montana makes everyone stronger. Montana puts hair on your chest. You will wander around in the wilderness with nature practically slapping you in the face every step of the way. You will never feel like the city is oppressing you. The mountains will attack your eyes with snow-caps and cause you to remember that scene in “The Sound of Music” with yodeling goats. In fact, I think it may be proven that people in Montana are physically impervious to death—which brings me to the next item.

Anything radioactive. In fact, radioactive things can cause you to become a superhero. Hello, Peter Parker anyone? Speaking of superheroes, time for some real talk about Mario. He eats a mushroom and doubles in size, he eats a star that changes the soundtrack and sparkles more than Edward Cullen on a sunny day. Obviously he’s made of sterner stuff.

Which brings us to watching Twilight (at least once). I didn’t die (far as I can tell), and it will give you great material for the stand-up routine you have in your head for when you drop out of school to be a comedian (I know we all think that). Watching any terrible movie once is good for you; it is like a secret club made for those of the world who have suffered through Trolls and Trolls II. We are the few that conquered the movie attended by fewer.

Another wildly strengthening thing is having a significant other. I mean as much as I always want to make fun of Ms. Clarkson, she has something there with her ex-baby-daddy making her stronger. Having a relationship changes a lot of who you are: you can grow with that person or grow apart from them. A relationship has so many variables that getting it right is a commendable action, and I know a lot of great couples that have hit something of a snag, be it a severe difference in maturity or extremely different expectations from the relationship.

On another note, grammar can definitely not hurt you. It will only make you stronger. If you sound like you have a loose grasp on how to form a sentence, bad things happen. Tiny children mock you, as well as your best friends. So go forth and win karaoke contests singing about Kelly Clarkson’s man-issues, while thinking about the time you got stuck in a Chinese finger trap and defeated it with a blow-torch and your little sister’s Barbie brush.

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