Press "Enter" to skip to content

10 tips for getting a date with Scarf Boy

ColinOpinionWhen I was a senior in high school, a friend – yes, I had friends – introduced me to a website called is a website that allows individuals to send an e-mail that will not be delivered until a specific future date. Essentially, it’s an electronic time capsule, but without the digging. As a closeted high school senior, looking toward the future was the best escape that existed. While I have yet to receive this e-mail from myself, it likely looks something like this:

Dear Colin,

Hi. It’s Colin. LOL are you reading this and saying “Duh, I already know that! I am you, stupid?” I hope not. Saying someone is stupid is mean.

Anyway, what’s up? How’s life? Yeah, pretty good for me too. I came out to Rachel today, and she took it really well! She didn’t seem surprised at all…. Interesting. Also, my neck feels a little cold… Do you think I should start wearing scarves?

Also, gimme the dirt! What is our boyfriend’s name? What does he look like? He’s hot, right? That’s a stupid question, because we must think he’s hot if we’re dating him. What’s his name? Is it that Concordia guy that you added on Facebook? Tanner? GOD I hope so. I’m never going to forgive you if we’re still alone. Never.

Say Hi to Tanner for me 😉

<3 <3 Colin <3 <3

Needless to say, past Colin would be pretty disappointed. My perfect relationship with Tanner Dockendorf never seemed to happen, and my relationship status is Kraft singles.

In the past, I allowed so much of my worth to rely on whether someone wanted to date me or not. If I wasn’t worth dating, then I wasn’t worth anything. However, that’s just not my reality anymore.

While my past-self wanted so desperately to be in a relationship, present me has standards. Prepare yourself for Scarf Boy’s Top 10 Valentine qualities:

  1. Likes dogs – If you can love a dog, you can love me. Much like a puppy, I am incredibly gullible, and I am messy. However, I also love unconditionally, and I shake my butt when I’m excited. If you can love a dog, you can love me.

  1. Has cultural competence – This doesn’t mean you have to be a race/gender/sexuality scholar, but it means you have to try. Acknowledge your privilege or acknowledge the door hitting you on the way out.

  1. Values independence – Controls are for video games and oil spills, not people. Have your own plans, your own ideas, and your own friends. Also, let me have mine. Our relationship should be a positive supplement to my life, not my whole life.

  1. Passes the family/friend test – My family has defended me through my worst and supported me through my best. Also, the Spice Girls wisely said, “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” I trust their judgment more than I trust my own.

  1. Hated middle school – If 7th grade wasn’t the bane of your existence, I don’t trust you.

  1. Has a passion – We don’t have to be passionate about the same stuff – in fact, it’s more educational if we’re not. But if nothing in the world fires you up, how am I supposed to?

  1. Accepts compliments – I love to give compliments. Not just to my best friends or boyfriends, but to anyone and everyone. No one is safe from having me shout random compliments at them, even if we’ve never met. This makes people uncomfortable, which makes me smile. This leads nicely to…

  1. Has socially awkward tendencies – This doesn’t have to be “I live in my parent’s basement and cry when the phone rings” socially awkward, but you’ve gotta have some level of weird. I’m far too abnormal for someone normal.

  1. Laughs easily – I laugh too hard and too often to do it alone. If I’m hysterically laughing and you’re just sitting there, refer to #8.

  1. Accepts my hard times – I won’t always be happy, I won’t always be fun and I won’t always be nice. Sometimes I’ll get hurt, and I’ll take it out on you. I’m sorry about that. Sometimes I’ll get really annoyed with you. I’m sorry about that. Sometimes I’ll cry all day for no reason. I’m sorry about that. However, those things are part of me, just like everything else, so you have to love them anyway.

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Mission News Theme by Compete Themes.