I just watched a seven-hour long video of a train ride. I suppose to be semantically correct I should say that I finished a seven-hour long video of a train ride. I didn’t strap myself to a chair and watch it straight through. I did, however, over the course of a week, watch every minute…
It’s about that time of the semester again. The snow has melted, you want to go outside, but you can’t because all the professors seem to have conspired to assign research papers due the same week. So how do you do it? How do you write a paper in a night? Well, if I could…
It was like any given Wednesday afternoon in Anderson Commons. I was tossing french fries back and scrolling through Twitter when I should have been working on my religion paper. It’s 2:40 and DS is mostly empty — the tables occupied few and far between. The dreamily generic mid-80’s pop ballad that was ringing out…
I am here today to present my defense for one of the most contemptible, inoffensively unexceptional characters in recent television history. His name is Mark Brendanawicz and for the first two seasons of the hit NBC sitcom Parks and Recreation, he intruded into the homes of viewers and brought nothing with him except the personality…
I’ve never played Fortnite. All I know about the game is what I see on Twitter or glimpses on my friend’s TVs. I do know what most of the Fortnite dances look like, though. Why? I have friends on social media who have ten year old siblings. Ten year olds dance those Fortnite dances like…
This one’s about pop culture feuds. Scratch that. This one’s about pop culture wars. In the 60s, it was the Beatles vs. the Stones. In the 80s, Lakers vs. Celtics. The 90s had one with the most tragic ending, Notorious B.I.G. vs. Tupac Shakur. There were other feuds during this time, but those were schoolyard…
Ten minutes before sitting down to write this, I finished watching an episode from New Girl’s second season on Netflix. More appropriately, I finished re-watching the episode. I picked the episode after scrolling through the hundreds of other miniature rectangles that bear a different program’s name on Netflix, rectangles that when clicked, lead to something…
Look at you! You’ve had a terrific All Hallow’s Eve! You danced your heart out, or at least until you got too sweaty; you didn’t eat any candy, but you ate your roommate’s leftover mac and cheese and you barely got tricked except for that Chinese finger trap which took like three hours to get…
Look at you. You’re bored. You’re bored! All you want to do is scream! And shout! And do all the other things will.i.am and Britney sing about in that song, but after that, you don’t know what else to do. I’ve been there. I’m here to help. Is help the right word? Probably not. Okay…
Look at you! You have almost five weeks of experience in a political science course! Wowie, what are you the freakin’ ambassador to the United Nations or something? You’re so politically efficacious you’re more sure than I am that I used efficacious correctly. I’m glad that everything is going well in your life. I really…