Here are some things people definitely SHOULD do on Valentine’s Day. But don’t. Don’t ask me why.
Obviously, the first is paintballing. Nothing says “I love you” quite like a high powered paint ball to the groin/face area. Plus, you get to run around outside and have a winner at the end of the game. You could put money or even love on the table. The movie “10 Things I hate About You” totally had a scene where Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles bond over paintballing. And by bond I mean make out.
Next? Skydiving. Putting your life on the line is sexy, right? Right?! Getting over acrophobia can be sexy. You can fly through the air making hearts with your fingers, swirling like the whirling dervishes you desire to be.
Naps are a must as well. Let’s be real for a second. We Cobbers never get enough sleep. Ever. Learn about each other through osmosis while napping together.
Play some video games. Play everything. Play “Zelda,” “World of Warcraft,” “Call of Duty,” “Frogger,” “Soul Caliber,” “Robot Unicorn Attack.” Someone can be a winner, and the loser can contemplate ways to kill the other, without harming anything more than pixels and pride. Video games increase motor skills, so that’s a plus for all you surgeons-to-be.
Watch “Gossip Girl” or “The Hills.” Basically watch any show that would make you appreciate real people more. Something that would make you see that glimmer of humanity, that original spark that you saw the first time you met. Something that will cause you to ignore the crap they have put you through since.
Date other people. Go on a date with your pathological liar mother, your man-hating sister, your failure brother, your hamster or your distanced father. Go on a date with your best friend who is single, or anyone else. If you know you’re going home to your significant other there is no harm in spending the day spoiling someone who deserves it.
Go ahead and break up. Be serious. Your significant other probably sucks. Statistically speaking not everyone can be in a great relationship and for real you are probably more fantastic without them. If not, try chocolates.
