Dear you, Yes, you. You, the reader, who stumbled into my column expecting another scathing opinion piece from another Cobber, only to find out that it was satire most weeks. You, friends and strangers, who told me to start writing, and keep writing, because humor can influence people’s opinions in ways normal arguments cannot. You,…
SATIRE FROM THE SCARBROUGH REPORT Donald Trump may be president, but that doesn’t mean other members of the White House cabinet are not actually conspiracies invented by the Chinese. In a document sent to WikiLeaks yet to be confirmed by this newspaper, an anonymous source revealed the truth about Sean Spicer. Just when we thought…
SATIRE FROM THE SCARBROUGH REPORT In his speech addressing members of Congress last week, President Donald Trump laid out his plans for dealing with immigration. In addition to the infamous wall, which has been temporarily delayed, Trump plans to send all undocumented workers “back” to Mexico to fulfill their true purpose: digging holes. Trump said…
SATIRE FROM THE SCARBROUGH REPORT It’s not true what they say. Despite the rumors, President Donald Trump is actually pretty decent at sports, even with his tiny hands. But with his frequent trips to Maralago, Fla., Trump really doesn’t have time for playing basketball, or for creating logical security policies. That’s why, starting Tuesday, Trump…
Satire from the Scarbrough Report President Donald Trump’s frequent release of executive orders has led to a severe paper shortage in the White House. President Donald Trump has now signed eleven executive orders since his inauguration in January — a small number compared to former President Barack Obama’s 277 executive orders over eight years, but…
SATIRE FROM THE SCARBROUGH REPORT These days, everything in politics and the news is already a joke, so the writer of this column has decided to forfeit the story this week and instead report on this month’s horoscopes. Besides, satire writers will be out of jobs pretty soon, anyway. Let’s be real: everything is either…
This year’s symposium took countless hours from countless faculty, staff, students, and guests to set up and run, but it only took one issue of the Concordian to ignore its effect. I was somewhat shocked when I picked up the September 29th issue of the Concordian and at first glance saw no mention of the…